Wether your heart just got broken or you have just broken a heart. The feeling of endless empitness and the tears that won't stop coming suck big time. I just got my heart broken by my very first love.
The first time

´The´ first time. And what does ´the´ means in the concept. The means sex. Something I didn´t even think about till I met Emiel.
We were dating for seven months now, and feeling under my and his shirt had happend. But sex like the real deal never was something that we really talked about. Base 2 had happend, I knew I never wanted to do base 3. So next up, homerun. Where, when and most importantly how? This wasn’t something I could ask my mom, to private. It wasn’t something I could talk about with my friends. Google is your best friend is what they say, so thats what I did. I google that shit. It soon became the most akward google search in my entire life. I didn’t know how fast I had to delete my internet history.
It was february 14, valentines day. I would spent the night at his house and we would watch a movie and cook dinner together. The spaggeti boiled over and the meat burned, so we made toast with peanutbutter as dinner. So romantic.. After that we watched Pearl Harbor, what turned out to be a great movie but not for valentines day. Too serious and way too long. After an hour I felt like I could pass out any minute. So romantic. We decided to turn off the movie and get ready for bed. Especially brushing our teeth was one big mess, what resultet in a toothpaste fight, and toothpaste in my hair and all over his face.
Going to bed, I was insecure about everything you can possibly be insecure about. My hair, my make-up free face and my body.
We layed down in one bed, a single. There wasn’t enough pillow, not enough sheets, not enough bed and to much warmth. So romantic.. After kissing for awhile I think we both felt like this was the moment that it was supposed to happen. His shirt came of, my shirt came of, and soon there were no clothes anymore. It wasn’t nice, not bad, not nice. I was too scared, too afraid to really enjoy it. I think the best thing the whole night was the goodnight kiss on my nose.

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❝ Never ruin an apology with an excuse. ❞
- Benjamin Franklin (via cavum)
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❝ Everyone has the heartbreak that shapes them in a way that they could never go back to the innocence that they had before. ❞
- (via clubheartbreak)
clubheartbreak:

so relevant
❝ I’m not your Plan B. ❞
- (via clubheartbreak)
clubheartbreak:

you didn’t wanted me to be your last..

clubheartbreak:

We had been dating for like a week when he asked if I wanted to meet his parents. Of course I wanted that.
Emiel lived in some far away village called Dodewaard. I had to go by bike and it took almost an hour but I didn’t really mind because he first came all the way to my house to pick me up.